How To Drive An Illegal-Ass Car For Years Without Getting Busted

So, maybe your car isn't necessarily legal to drive. You've got expired tags, an expired inspection sticker, and even an expired property tax sticker. Maybe it's been that way for more than a year. And considering your daily commute is an hour each way, in traffic, on major highways, you can practically feel the cops… » 4/06/15 2:01pm 4/06/15 2:01pm

A Dipshit Guy's Thoughts On The Rolling Stone Situation

It occurred to me this morning, for the first time ever, that there are no women in my life that haven’t suffered some form of sexual assault or rape. It’s not that long a list—it turns out I don’t really know that many people—but it’s long enough to mean something: my wife, my brother’s wife, my sister, my wife’s… » 4/06/15 1:34pm 4/06/15 1:34pm

How To Eat At A Fancy Restaurant As Though You Belong There

I get it. Your favorite restaurant is Big Chuck's Grilled Meat Wagon, parked between The Noodle Truck and The Taco Truck down at the daily lunchtime curbside bazaar of food trucks. Fine. I, too, love Big Chuck's selection of grilled meats. He's got some quality meats down there on the wagon, no one is denying that. » 3/24/15 1:30pm 3/24/15 1:30pm

JaVale McGee And The NBA's Elusive Future

Pamela McGee once told the Washington Post's Mike Wise, in a conversation about her son, JaVale, that JaVale was "the future of the NBA." This expression was the portion of her comments that grabbed the attention of NBA fans, for a fairly simple reason: JaVale McGee, then and now, is one of the most spectacularly… » 3/16/15 6:29pm 3/16/15 6:29pm

Stories of Athletic Failure: Winner's Podium

Ah man, we had some killer stories of brutal sports (and sports-ish) humiliation. All of you who participated, you are all wonderful. Even for a stupid thing like this, it takes guts to talk about some embarrassing shit that represents a personal low-point. And, well, I laughed at all of your failures. You are all… » 3/02/15 10:52am 3/02/15 10:52am

The Time I Was Terrible At Baseball (It Was The Whole Time, Actually)

So, I played baseball for a few years when I was a kid. I was never very good at it. In truth, before I started playing organized baseball, I don't think I'd ever watched a whole baseball game or played anything closer to actual baseball than wiffle ball. I was a pretty solid athlete back in those days, so I could… » 2/27/15 10:32am 2/27/15 10:32am

The Wrong Non-Answers to the Same Non-Questions

Picture two dozen or so short, dumpy nerds milling around in a tight 8x10 bundle, clutching smart phones, murmuring conspiratorially, and eyeing with wary deference the world's greatest athletes arrayed around the room's perimeter. While those athletes chat and dress or ice sore joints and in all other ways comport… » 2/10/15 12:10pm 2/10/15 12:10pm

Puppy Bowl, Fish Bowl, Kitten Bowl: Counterprogramming The Super Bowl

The over/under for the number of households that will tune in to watch the Super Bowl tonight is 113 million. There has never been a larger event in the history of television. What I'm saying here is you don't have to be a fan of football to tune in. People who don't watch this Super Bowl will spend tonight and most… » 2/01/15 4:20pm 2/01/15 4:20pm